17/08/2019

Your Rock-Bottom Will Turn Into Something Beautiful


If you would ever get so lucky to sit and have a long in-depth conversation to anyone over 80 you’ll discover that such a person had gone through a lot of highs and lows. They’ll also tell you about all the amazing surprises life has bestowed on their way and that how your rock-bottom will turn into something beautiful. Older generations, in general, have such beautiful stories to tell about survival because they've lived through it all. 

But first, let’s talk about rock-bottom. What is rock-bottom? In my opinion, rock-bottom is a feeling where you think you've reached the end – but as they say, thoughts are not facts. My rock-bottom will look completely different from your rock-bottom and so will yours be different from mine. We all go through difficult experiences in life and they don’t all look the same. A few months ago I felt super annoyed and miserable when I realized that after years of hard work my poor little blog was still not visible to those that matter. After 7 years of grind and effort, I felt that I’ve reached some sort of rock-bottom in that department. 

Years ago I was in a very destructive relationship, I felt unloved, I was unemployed and that was rock-bottom for me too. Just before the relationship ended completely my then partner decided to rape me on one dreadful summer’s night, just a few months before I turned 22. At that moment it was as if he wanted to take the last bit of dignity I had left away from me. In that moment he did. 

Rock-bottom is a place in your soul that I would describe as cold, dark and moldy, where feelings of self-loathing, confusion and resentment get together in a mean, dirty dance. It often feels like you’ve reached the lowest point in your life, the end, the finish line. But it doesn’t have to be. 

In life, it is so that you cannot expect to just experience the good parts of being alive. Unfortunately, there are sad days too, sad days with negative emotions like anger, depression and anxiety. You can try to numb these feelings with alcohol, drugs, food or other forms of self-medication for a while, but they will return if you don’t deal with them properly. Most often these destructive emotions are super intense, so much so that it feels as if your heart has been stabbed with the weapon still left inside. 

When you experience this, hang in there. This feeling, like all feelings, will pass. Intense emotions of guilt, sadness or failure will pass and like previously mentioned it is important to remember that thoughts are not facts. They may appear that way but trust me once you get through this and your mind clears up, your perspective on the story that you’re going through right now will change too. 

The same boyfriend that raped me also told me that no one would ever want to be with me. He didn’t see my worth and so I didn’t see my worth. You see, most often when you reach rock-bottom there's already been a trail of negative events which got you to this point of, “I can’t anymore.” And so, you’ll be reminded of every single mistake and failure from your past. 

This I believe is from the devil. At this point (when you’re reminded of all the bad things in your life) I believe that you are surrounded by a lot of unseen demons, call me crazy I don’t care but I do believe this to be true. I also believe that they will try their utmost to get you to commit suicide. They will torture you with these negative thoughts, do not believe their lies. Everything will look dark however, everything is not dark. 

Whether you’ve had an abusive father, lost a child, was bullied, you can change the narrative of your story. Allow God to carry you through this dark period and take as much time as you need to recover from such ordeals. We all go through bad times and there are many that have gone through worse. Hang in there and don’t allow your mind to take you to a place where you want to end your own life. 

Your life matters and if you hang in there something beautiful will happen. Like a Lotus Flower, you will emerge from the dirt and the shit and the gutter, beautiful and wiser and indescribably resilient.  Fresh new talents will develop, opportunity will appear, the desires of your heart will be granted. Your rock-bottom will turn into something beautiful. 

I'm no psychologist, social worker or even counselor but I have dealt with a lot in my lifetime. I know that if you live with depression or any other form of mental illness you cannot just snap out of it. What I am telling you is that there is hope and healing for your tortured soul. I truly believe that speaking to a professional can work wonders and that medication can help you to manage these feelings.

Complete deliverance, however, I believe can only come from God. Speak to Him and He will fill you with the Holy Spirit and renew your soul. Thereafter I believe you’ll have the ability to replace your negative mindset with a positive one. Your thoughts will never hold you captive again. You will develop a warrior mentality and the most beautiful thing about it all is that you will be able to help and inspire others.


Image - My Own

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